When do you have time to care?
And other lessons from a month of petitioning the people.
I’ve got an hour. I’m at the dog park. I could be gathering more signatures, instead I choose to show up here on the virtual page, because I made a promise two years ago to myself, and to you, dear reader, to write here once per month. So, here goes!
This is for my fellow musical theatre nerds. For the last few weeks, a parody of “Tradition” from Fiddler on the Roof has rung through my mind.
“Pe-ti-tions! Petitions!”
I’ve been slinging petitions, I’m a paper pusher
Ya’ll know last year was kookoo. My ancestors channeled through a dear friend in January to tell me to “GO GET ANOTHER JOB”. They said, “don’t wait, make money, you got shit to do.”
Whole Body Communicator clients and naked yoga alone weren’t bouncing us back.
And as a full-time single parent who decided to start HOMESCHOOLING last Fall, my options for extra part time gigs are narrow. (insert happy chaos face emoji here)
Enter, canvassing. I’ve spent a little over a month strolling around college campuses, parks, WeHo night life, train stations and store exits to gather signatures on a variety of ballot issues.
It’s been wild talking to hundreds of people about issues I’d likely not even traverse with my best friends. To be honest, I wish we all talked about these things with more candor. Maybe we’d get closer to some middle ground and deeper empathy.
Over these hours and dialogues, I’ve noticed something.
People’s actions fit into two main archetypes.
THEY CARE. Or they DON’T CARE.
This is a bold statement, (written in bold for extra punny humor ;P ).
But seriously. People either care, take the time to listen, engage, sign or abstain, or they don’t. They write it all off, blanket statement that it’s futile, all bad, or they’re just too busy, tired, important, etc.
I talked to a group of women on Abbot Kinney one night who were waiting for their Uber. They told me they’re in fun-mode and were just gonna wait. So I told them I get it. And I’m trying to find the best place where people will care. Because most of them don’t care at the grocery store, don’t care at the train station, (they care at the dog park, dog people, gotta love em.). They thought about this and then had a change of heart. “Wow, we are literally just standing here waiting for the Uber, you’re right. This is actually the best time to do this. We have no reason not to get this done here.”
I replied, “That’s kinda my thought but I’m glad you said it, haha!”
Just like that, they went from not caring, to caring. WAHOOOO!!!! That feels even better than my paycheck!
Notice how earlier I said “people’s actions”, not “people” fit into the CARE/NOT CARE? That’s because people are soooo malleable! And our actions, mindsets and behaviors can change anytime! I love that about people. (It’s why I’m so passionate about my Somatic Sex and Communication coaching.) People can change their behaviors and states anytime! (with new skills, practices or mindsets of course.)
My invitation for this piece of writing is for you to pause, tune in, and ask yourself, when do you choose to care? Caring is an active being verb. Meaning it is expressed by the actions you take. What inspires actions of caring for you, what are those actions, and how do you know when to say yes, and when to say no?
I pride myself in practicing “consent forward petitioning”. This is not about shaming people into signing anything they don’t want to sign. Rather, this is a reflection on the excitement of people showing up to engage, and expanding their capacity to do so.
We all need to check out sometimes.
Our nervous system’s aren’t designed to be ON all the time. We’re meant to up-regulate and down-regulate throughout the day quite often. And caring takes effort, mental fortitude, and usually some up-regulation from the sympathetic nervous system.
When it comes to civic engagement, (esp ballot issues), these activities require us to think critically about the state of our country and communities. This can trigger a sense of overwhelm, feelings of rage, agitation, helplessness and then eventually nervous system collapse, or shut-down, where we just drop way down out the bottom of our window of tolerance and avoid engaging at all.
But here’s the good news. We can take SIMPLE POSITIVE ACTIONS that make a difference, and it’s so much more healing than doom scrolling or ranting to each other about how bad things are.
In order to be able to have capacity for these actions, we need to soothe our nervous systems to STAY ENGAGED long enough to think through and complete the action (signing or not signing, voting for or against, calling a senator, etc.)
Hot take from a Somatic Sex and Communication Coach.
Next time you’re faced with a political issue, be it a ballot initiative, option to vote, or a conversation, try this. Pause. Notice an object around you that you like. Take three to five slow breaths gazing at this object while letting your eyes feel heavy like they are resting in little hammocks in your eye sockets. Take three to five more breaths noticing any positive/pleasurable or neutral sensations you have access to in your body.
Then, make a conscious choice about what to do next, engage, or disengage. In this way, you’ll be deciding from the most regulated place you have reasonable access to.
Empower this process! It’s ok to say, “I need a moment,” and move through this mini practice.
At least then if you say “now isn’t the time”, you’re doing it from a full-body NO.
Creator Corner Collective
Here’s the part of each writing piece where I highlight another person, business or group. I’d like to use this space to share about the No Kings movement.
Cali and I got out to one of these protests on Saturday and it was so encouraging to see the masses, from all different walks of life, all different belief systems and ways of being, show up to share space and protest for a common cause, that the United States of America have NO KINGS, NO CROWNS, no untouchable leaders.
TONIGHT they have a zoom meeting to discuss what’s next after all of the rallies this weekend. Go ahead and SIGN UP HERE.
Speaking of civic engagement that takes nervous system regulation, sheesh I needed some tools on Saturday! It was hot, crowded car horns honked around us almost non-stop. Overstimulation to the MAX. Yet it felt SOOOO important and good to participate. Having tools that allow us to expand our capacity to show up where and how we want to is IMO one of the coolest things ever.
Want to be highlighted in my letter? Reach out and tell me more about your work.
More creative stuff
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